reflectingonbeauty

I heard something today and realized just how much I love a part of my past. A brief part, nonetheless it is one of the most significant periods I've gone through. As silly as it sounds, that's how I remember my first love, quite fondly. Perhaps that isn't too common. But a bond of friendship isn't easily broken, and when you honestly just want the other person's happiness, with or without yourself adding to that equation, you know that you do love them, and that you can move on. So yes I know without a doubt that I love him, that I loved him, and I will hold him dear because he holds a place no man can take from me. I reconnnected with this first love. This epic five year long electronic correspondence to maintain a one month romance. This immature, but brilliant way to have what we really wanted- contact with one another. It wasn't a physical thing. It was that we missed each other. He added to my life and encouraged me. He still does. He pushes me to follow my dreams. He trusts me and loves me. He is an amazing man, who has made his mistakes and taken his knocks, has overcome some strong demons, and is standing strong like I always knew he could. He will forever be a friend to me, and though I realized today to what extent I care for him, I also know that he and I may never fulfill that dream that we wished to achieve together- a life of our own. The thing is, at this point, we can be happy without it. We have our victory, simply in that he is in my life, and I am in his. Not feeling guilt, or feeling like a possession is actually very refreshing. I'm free. He still helps hold my heart safe from harm. And yes I admit that my heart fell when I heard he could be injured. But I pray for the best for him daily. I know he'll be home again soon, and I know that he knows I'll be waiting for his safe return. What I feel for him isn't the remnant of a romance from days gone by- it's a true love, unwavering and permanent. No matter what happens to us, we'll stay solid. Again, I am not weak for him romantically, but I refuse to separate the emotional bond which morphed into a lifelong friendship. So here's to you, sweetheart...since you've always called me that, its only fitting I do. Because you are. I know you'll be home soon...I miss and love you. And you need to stop worrying me. Haha.